i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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