Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
