sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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