Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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