I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
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He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
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First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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