i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
