I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize