i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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