My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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