Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
