Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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