Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
tonight lets celebrate not being married
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize