it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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