My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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