shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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