Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
