I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
