it hurts more in the daytime
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
