okay pat passed out under dana's car
false alarm. still invincible.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
