I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
