Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
