Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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