The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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