My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
A+ Viking dick
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