I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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