Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
