It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
