my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
