I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Pants are for mortals
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
