5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Randomize
