I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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