yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You need a sexual gate keeper
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
