so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize