happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
