dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
