I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
