Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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