dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
