So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
