even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
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