and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
