I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So vagazzling was a success
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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