when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
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Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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