My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
