First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
