I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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