Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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