Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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