Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
