We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
