my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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