im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
