So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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