Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
