I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
A bitchslap is in order.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
