the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Randomize
