i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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