I only kidnapped one of them. chill
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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