Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize