JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
