You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just made my gag reflex go away.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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