She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Randomize
