also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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